i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
