I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
