people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
