Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
