You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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