nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize