final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You've changed since you got that strap on
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
