I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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