her vagine was all disorganized.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
