i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
