I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
