i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
