dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
