the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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