you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize