i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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