Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
