Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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