So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just invented taco cereal.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
