Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
