i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
