no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
