it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
