Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize