somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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