Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
