..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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