You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
