Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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