why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
