yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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