Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
