What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
