are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
