Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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