so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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