organizing the empties. That sober.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
