Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
