No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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