Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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