thus making me awesome and them whores
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
