i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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