We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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