She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
