I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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