i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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