Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
false alarm, still single
Randomize
