ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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