can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
zippers are such a cool invention
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
