All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
