And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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