I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
