I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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