So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize