lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
