Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
