You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
