is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
