btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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