can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
