I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
