How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
