I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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