go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
