I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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