Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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