im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
