i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
