I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
